Mel's Play

[||Megs||]

My Second Only Love
By: Hikari
March 4, 2006

Characters:
Prince Mel: Heidi
Squire Jack: Tawnee
Keeper of Memory Minoru: Melissa
Lord Jacob: Shane
Sir Jason: Landon
Damsel Dahlila: Jennilyn
Old and Decrepit Father: Melissa
Royal Adviser: Shane

Act i
Introduction:

Narrator (aka Prince Mel):
For those of you who may recall our previous performance, I'm sure you recognize that I am Prince Mel, of the Kingdom of Retar, which is located on the D section of our world's Map. Here.
(points to map as he holds it up)

Now, in order that we might refresh your memories of things past, we shall quickly go over the previous play. Lady Crystal, a fair yet clumsy maiden, along with her lady in waiting, the more intelligent Lady Jane, go on an adventure to find themselves "worthy men!"
(Crystal and Jane ride across the stage on horses, pointing forward)

In the meantime, I, prince Mel, went in search of a wife, for myself, and ended up in the clutches of the devious Sir Kyle, a greedy, wicked man out for money. He and his assistant, the rather silent Sir Jason, placed me in a cage and sent my father a ransom letter.
(Kyle and Jason sneak out and try to hit Mel over the head with a stick)

Not now. That was in the past.
(Kyle throws the stick down and stomps away, Jason trailing behind him)

However, my father, being a rather senial, decrepit old man, thought, somehow, it was Christmas Card, and didn't bother sending the money. Alas, my situation was dire, however, the Ladies Crystal and Jane came to my rescue and dueled against Sirs Kyle and Jason. In the end, Crystal saved the day (pulls forth gun) when a mysterious gun in my pocket was brought forth and I destroyed the villain. Don't tell Crystal--after all, every woman should have her day of glory. (winks)

Lady Crystal and I were then married, both of us having fulfilled our quests, and, surprisingly enough, Lady Jane and Sir Jason also wed. So, with the kingdoms both secure, and all of us quite content, everything was happily ended--or so I thought.

Thus begins our second tale of true love and fighting. Join us now for a thrilling adventure in the Realm of Deep Dark Doom.

[||Megs||]

Scene 1: Tragedy Strikes!

Prince Mel:
Our sequel begins on a rainy day, when the wind howled loudly and the trees shook with grief. Or that might just have been my imagination. In any case, my Lady and I were walking along, laughing at some humorous thing, when suddenly--!

Lady Crystal:
I feel faint. (she falls down dead)

Prince Mel:
Crys-----tal!!!!!
(begins weeping and then stands up to explain the situation more fully)
Now, you're probably asking yourself: how can the play continue without the main character? How can the play go on without the Lady Crystal?
Alas, shortly after the Lady Crystal was buried (she is dragged off stage) I was approached by the Royal Adviser and my Old and Decrepit Father.

Old and Decrepit Father:
Mel, my daughter...

Prince Mel:
Son, father.

Old and Decrepit Father:
Of course I was. If I'd been a girl, I couldn't be your mother--I mean, father. Sometimes I forget what I'm saying half way through.

Prince Mel:
I know, father.

Old and Decrepit Father:
And it's a good thing too. if you knew nothing you'd be dumb, and no daughter of mine is dumb.

Prince Mel:
That's because you have no daughter.

Royal Adviser:
Are you saying you're dumb, Prince?

Prince Mel:
Good heavens, not yet. It seems to come with age in this family...

Old and Decrepit Father:
You tell him, Son.

Prince Mel:
I believe you had something important to tell me. Please hurry so I may continue to grieve.

Old and Decrepit Father:
Leave? Where are you going?

Prince Mel:
To my room, Father.

Old and Decrepit Father:
No, your mother can't punish you like that. Don't go to your room, daughter.

Prince Mel:
Son.

Old and Decrepit Father:
Yes father?

Prince Mel:
(slaps his forhead) ...Nevermind... Royal Adviser, perhaps you might tell me the important information?

Royal Adviser:
Of course, your Highness. You see, when your father's father's father's father's father was the father of the previous current king--

Prince Mel:
You mean King Mel the II?

Royal Adviser:
Yes, him. When he was king before his child, King Mel the III, he made a decree that the future kings could only become king if they had a wife. Alas, your father is about to die and you can't be king unless you have a wife.

Mel:
Adviser! My wife just died! Can't this wait?

Royal Adviser:
Unfortunately, no. The law is very specific. You must have a wife now.

Prince Mel:
But my father isn't dead yet.

Old and Decrepit Father:
Oh, that's a relief. Send him my regards girl.

Prince Mel:
Father!

Old and Decrepit Father:
Where? (looks around)

Prince Mel:
You were saying?

Royal Adviser:
You must be married in a month's time or the thrown passes to someone else, by law.

Prince Mel:
Well, then, let it pass on.

Royal Adviser:
Your Highness! It would then go to your Uncle, the nefarious Lord Drake the VII!

Prince Mel:
Who just so happens to be dead.

Royal Adviser:
Oh yes... Forgot about that. Well, then, even worse, it would go directly to your other Uncle, the cruel and cursed Lord Ned!

Prince Mel:
Oh, just perfect... Now it seems you've forced my hand... But how in the world am I going to find a wife in a month's time. Father! Can't father just change the law?

Royal Adviser:
You try getting through to him.

Prince Mel:
Father. You need to make it so I don't have to get married. Okay?

Old and Decrepit Father:
Only the king can do that, my child.

Prince Mel:
(graps him and shakes) You ARE the king FATHER!!!

Old and Decrepit Father:
You'll have to speak louder, daughter. I can't quite hear you...

Prince Mel:
(throws his hands up) Forget it, I'm doomed. A widower at twenty-three, and forced to marry again. Alas, my dear sweet dead lady Crystal, how I miss you already...

Royal Adviser:
Nevermind that now. You must head out immediately. There is word of a damsel in distress, located in a tower two countries from here.

Prince Mel:
If it's Rapunzel, forget it. She was such a jerk when I tried to rescue her. All I did was grap that big yellow rope and she yelped as though I'd pulled her hair! Stupid woman...

Royal Adviser:
No, it's a different damsel in a tower. She is located in... The Realm of Deep Dark Doom!

Prince Mel:
Oh, just perfect. (resigned to his fate) Very well, prepare my horse.

Royal Adviser:
Oh, and Highness? You'll be bringing Squire Jack along. We don't want anything to happen to you this time.

Prince Mel:
Sure... (walks away, dejected)

Old and Decrepit Father:
Poor lass. She seemed rather lost...

Royal Adviser:
Er, yes, your majesty...


Scene 2: Squire Jack

(Prince Mel comes out to where Jack is holding the horses ready)

Mel:
Hello there Squire.... what was your name again?

Jack:
Jack.

Mel:
Wonderful to meet you. I am Prince Mel.

Jack:
I know.

[||Megs||]

Mel:
Um... Well, shall we head out.

Jack:
Sure.

Mel:
Heh. All righty, this trip is going to be interesting...

Jack:
Sure is...

Mel:
And so we headed for the Realm of Deep Dark Doom to rescue a damsel in distress so that my kingdom might be saved, while, meanwhile, the evil Lord Jacob of the Realm of Deep Dark Doom plotted evilly in his Realm of Deep Dark Doom... Uh, yes.

Scene 3: Realm of Deep Dark Doom

Jacob:
Bwahahahahahaha!

Jason:
Yup.

Jacob:
Now is time for revenge! Prince Mel shall pay for killing my brother, Sir Kyle!

Jason:
Who just so happens to look exactly like you...

Jacob:
What did you say? (is startled)

Jason:
Yup!

Jacob:
Just checking... (walks over to look at a tower in the distance)
He will come to rescue her, and I shall kill him then. Bwahahahahahaha!

Jason:
Yup.


Scene 4: The Tower in the Realm of Deep Dark Doom

Damsel Dahlila:
Whoa is me. I am trapped in this tower, and my hair isn't nearly long enough to throw out the window... Not to mention my SHEETS! (cries pathetically)
How am I supposed to escape this awful, awful, awful place?! Someone come and save me!
(cries pathetically again)

Jacob's Voice:
Oh shut up, up there, would you?!


Scene 5: Lost?

Mel:
Squire Jack, are we lost?

Jack:
(nods boredly)

Mel:
Argh! Can you not say anything? This quest is quieter than any I've been on by myself!

Jack:
That's a good thing.

Mel:
How do you figure?

Jack:
I'm not going to explain it to you.
Highness.

Mel:
What'd I ever do to you?

Jack:
Nothing.

Mel:
Ugh! (sighs and pulls out a portrait of Crystal) Here I go, Lady Crystal. Off to rescue and marry another. Alas, how you must hate me.

Jack:
Who wouldn't, with all that incesant jabbering?

Mel:
Excuse me Squire Jack, but I'm having a private conversation with my wife.

Jack:
Your dead wife.

Mel:
You're a disrespectful squire, aren't you?

Jack:
So they tell me.

Mel:
And you don't care?

Jack:
No. I don't. Should I?

Mel:
I would think so.

Jack:
I don't care what you think.

Mel:
Obviously--Gah! I'm talking to a lunatic.

Jack:
Some of us don't talk to dead people...

Mel:
Some of us don't have to.

Jack:
You're confused.

Mel:
I am not.

Jack:
Okay, what were you just saying?

Mel:
About what?

Jack:
See. Told you.

Mel:
Told me what?

Jack:
You're confused.

Mel:
Eh... (Sighs and shakes head) Nevermind. (throws the portrait aside)
Lets just find our way out of this forest.

Jack:
Very well, Highness. (pulls forth map and looks at it)

Mel:
You had that the whole time?

Jack:
Of course. But I was given orders to follow you.
Unless you said otherwise.

Mel:
You could have said something.

Jack:
I don't say anything.

Mel:
Oh, whatever!


Scene 6: The Tower in the Realm of Deep Dark Doom... Again

Damsel Dahlila:
(sniffles)
Whoa is me. I am still trapped in this awful, awful, awful place!
Someone PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE help me!

Jacob's Voice:
I said to shut up!


Scene 7: Encounter With The Keeper of Memory

Mel:
What is this, the neverending forest of eternity?

Jack:
How did you know?

Mel:
Argh, this is just too much...

Jack:
You can go home, you know.

Mel:
Unfortunately, no, I can't. I have one month to marry!

Jack:
Had one month. We've been in this forest exactly three weeks and two days.
You have five days left to find that woman and marry her.

Mel:
Do you ever have any good news?

Jack:
No.

Mel:
This is hopeless-- (Minoru appears on the road in front of them)

Minoru:
Stop.

(they hault quickly)

Mel:
Who are you?

Jack:
So demanding...

Mel:
Oh shut up.

Minoru:
I've come to curse you Prince Mel, as Lord Jacob directed me to.

Mel:
Curse me? Who is Lord Jacob anyway?

Minoru:
Yes, curse you. And I don't know who he is. He just stole my duck and I want it back, so I'm doing what he asked.

Mel:
Why don't you just curse him?

Minoru:
It's more fun this way.

Mel:
Uh... (glances at Jack and shrugs) So, I must fight you?

Minoru:
I don't want to fight. I'm just going to curse you.

Mel:
Won't you at least give me a sporting chance?

Minoru:
Why? All villains who do that live long enough to regret it, and then they die.

Mel:
Well, that's true...

Minoru:
Enough of this. (walks over and touches Mel)
Enjoy, Jack.

Jack:
(wide eyed) What did you do?

Minoru:
You'll see. (walks toward the trees and then pauses) You might need this. (chucks a package at the horses feet)

Jack:
Hey you. What did he do?

Mel:
Woof!

Jack:
... (retreives the package and opens it to reveal a leash)
You've got to be joking...

Mel:
Woof! Woof! (sticks out tongue and pants)

Jack:
Now I have to save the kingdom?
(snaps collar and leash around Mel and pulls)
Lets go.

Mel:
(follows happily) Woof!

Scene 8: The Tower, the Dog, and the Squire

Jack:
Well, here we are, Dog.

Mel:
Woof! (pants happily)

[||Megs||]

Jack:
What did that guy do to you? (shakes his head)
Ah well. What do I care. Let's just get your bride.

Mel:
Woof! (tries to climb the tower)

Jack:
Stand back, Dog.
(throws a rope up)
Okay, I'll be back.

Mel:
Bark! (sits down and waits)

Dahlila:
(falls and lands next to Mel) Oh, hello there!

Mel:
Woof!

Dahlila:
Oooh! What a cute li'l doggy! (grabs and hugs Mel)

Jack:
(jumps and lands on his feet beside them)
Damsel. Meet the man who rescued you.

Dahlila:
Huh?

Jack:
This is Prince Mel. You are to marry him.

Dahlila:
(laughs) Oh, don't be silly. This is a dog!

Jack:
Does he look like a dog to you?
He just thinks like a canine right now...

Dahlila:
Well, I am not marrying a dog.

Jack:
Too bad. (walks toward his horse)

Mel:
Woof!
(starts to follow Jack)

Jack:
No. Leave me alone Dog.
Go to her. Go.

Mel:
Woof! (tries to lick Jack, who jumps out of the way)

Jack:
No!

Mel:
Woof! Bark! Woof!

Jack:
Fine! We'll fix your mind so you'll leave me alone.

Mel:
Bark! (is excited)

Dahlila:
Where are we going?

Jack:
Crazy. Want to come?

Dahlila:
Oh yes! Please!

Jack:
Thought as much.
Come on then. You can use his horse.

Dahlila:
Okay. (hops onto it)
Come along Doggy!

Mel:
(growls at her and stands beside Jack)

Jack:
Will this ever end?

(they all ride to where the sign says "Realm of Deep Dark Doom: Domain of Lord Jacob the Bad!")

Intermission

Act ii
Scene 1: Lord Jacob vs Minoru

Jacob:
Mineral! Where are you? Mineral!

Minoru:
(steps into view)
How many times must I tell you, my name is Minoru, not Mineral. It's completely different.

Jacob:
If you say so...

Jason:
Yup.

Minoru:
These silent people are becoming quite common, aren't they?

Jacob:
I agree.

Minoru:
It wouldn't be so bad if they didn't have such sarcastic personalities.

Jacob:
I agree.

Minoru:
And then there's Prince Mel. Irritating and gullible.

Jacob:
I agree.

Minoru:
And the stupid damsel in your tower is far too loud.

Jacob:
I agree.

Minoru:
Give me my duck back.

Jacob:
Nice try.

Minoru:
(sighs) It was worth a shot.

Jacob:
If I were an idiot I might have fallen for it.

Minoru:
Fallen for what?

Jacob:
Your trap.

Minoru:
What trap?

Jacob:
Gah! Keepers of Memory are so irritating.

Minoru:
I agree. That's why I destroyed them.

Jacob:
But, aren't you a Keeper of Memory?

Minoru:
Yes.

Jacob:
But you don't like them?

Minoru:
Who?

[||Megs||]

Jacob:
You delight in tormenting me, don't you?

Minoru:
What let you to that conclusion?

Jacob:
Nevermind this. I called you for a reason.

Minoru:
My duck?

Jacob:
Start that again and I'll cook your duck for dinner.

Minoru:
Why did you call me?

Jacob:
That's better.

Minoru:
What's better?

Jacob:
... Nevermind. Prince Mel and his Squire have managed to rescue the Damsel and they're on their way here as we speak.

Minoru:
Argue.

Jacob:
What?

(Jason tugs on Jacob's sleeve)

Minoru:
Your servant wants you.

Jacob:
(glares) What is it Sir Jason?

Jason:
Yup. (points off stage)

Minoru:
They're coming.

Jacob:
To destroy us.

Minoru:
You mean, you. Since you're the main villain, they must face off against you. Right?

Jacob:
Who's sarcastic?

Minoru:
Who isn't?

Jacob:
A valid point.

Minoru:
Where's my duck?

Jacob:
In the--I'm not going to tell you that!

Minoru:
Closer. (steps back)
They are here. It is time I stand aside and allow you to do as you will.
Goodbye!
(hurries away)

Jacob:
Mineral! Come back!

Jason:
Minoru.

Jacob:
What?

Jason:
Yup!

Jacob:
(rolls eyes) Come. We will prepare for Prince Mel and his comrades to come before me!


Scene 2: Lord Jacob vs Who?

Jack:
Here we are.

Mel:
Woof!

Dahlila:
What a dreary place.

Jack:
It's a Villain's Realm. Duh, it's dreary.

Mel:
Woof!

Jack:
Would you be quiet, already?

Mel:
(whimpers)

Jack:
Stupid animal.

Dahlila:
Such a cute li'l doggy, yes you are.

Mel:
(growls at her and makes to bite her hand)

Dahlila:
Ah! Bad doggy! Bad!

Jacob:
Oh, having trouble with the cursed Prince, I see?
A dog of all things...

Jack:
Yeah, cute, isn't he?
(rolls his eyes)
Are you Lord Jacob?

Jacob:
The very same.

Dahlila:
You fiend!

Jacob:
Oh, shut up, just this once?

Dahlila:
Hmph! Just like a man!

(they all look at her with wry expressions, including Mel--though his tongue is still out--and then return to their conversation)

Jacob:
Women.

Jack:
Tell me about it.

Mel:
Woof!

Jacob:
How am I to fight the prince when he's like... that?

Jack:
Good luck with that.

Jacob:
Thanks.

Jack:
No problem.

Dahlila:
Get on with it already! All these dialogues are getting too long!

Mel:
(growls at her)

[||Megs||]

Jacob:
All right, Squire. It seems you and I shall have to duel, as your Master is indisposed at the moment.

Jack:
Great. Just Great.
(pulls forth his weapon)

Jacob:
Well then, let's duel!

Jack:
First, I want to know one thing.

Jacob:
Yes?

Jack:
What is a Keeper of Memory?

Jacob:
Uh... How does one explain...?

Minoru:
(walks back on) Allow me.
Keepers of Memory date back to the Age of Dragons, several thousands of years ago. They were given the responsibility to keep a history of the wars. A Keeper of Memory has the ability to alter memory, take and give memories, and manipulate them. Whole new lives can be given to a person if the Keeper of Memory so chooses. Thus, while Prince Mel resembles a human, he believes he is a dog.
To further demonstrate: (snaps his fingers)
Prince Mel is now a--

Mel:
Moo!

Minoru:
Cow.

Jack:
Whoa. That's handy.

Minoru:
Isn't it though?
Of course, my favorite is:

Mel:
Quack!

Minoru:
I think it's rather enjoyable.

Dahlila:
What a freak!

Jacob:
The Prince or the Keeper of Memory?

Dahlila:
Take your pick!

Jack:
Me thinks this planned wedding won't work out.

Minoru:
I tend to agree with you. (snaps his fingers again)

Mel:
Meow! (hisses at Dahlila)

Jacob:
Well, getting back to where we left off...

Dahlila:
If this yucky Keeper of Memories is so powerful--

Minoru:
Memory.

Dahlila:
What?

Minoru:
Keeper of Memory. Not Memories. It's not plural. The Keeper becomes Keepers when it's plural. Memory always remains Memory.

Dahlila:
Oh, whatever, you horrible beast!

Minoru:
Do you want to be a duck?

Dahlila:
Aaagh! (backs away quickly)

Minoru:
That's much better.

Jack:
Can we get back to this?
I want to beat him fast so we can go home.

Jacob:
Agreed.

Minoru:
He just agreed you could win.

Jacob:
Did not!

Jack:
No, I believe I caught that too.
(pulls forth sword, again)

Jacob:
Oh forget it. Let's duel!

Minoru:
You already said that.

(Jack and Jacob start to fight, Mel is scratching at furniture)

Dahlila:
What kind of Memory Freak are you?

Minoru:
Next word you say will be your very last.

Dahlila:
(claps mouth shut and pouts)

Minoru:
Very good. (snaps fingers)

Mel:
(begins walking very slowly, trying to duck head into shirt)

(Jacob and Jack stop fighting)

Jack:
A turtle, is he?

Minoru:
Ever played charades? You'd be very good at it, Jack.

Jack:
Thank you.

Minoru:
You're quite welcome.

Jacob:
Excuse me, can we please continue?

Jack:
That's the problem with you villains.

Jacob:
What?

Jack:
(stabs Jacob)
Honorable to the last.
Sad.

Minoru:
I tried telling him that. Didn't listen, apparently.

Jason:
Another hereditary trait of villains.

Jack:
Aren't you married to the Lady Jane?
Why are you working for Jacob?

Minoru:
Were.

[||Megs||]

Jack:
Oh, sorry. Typo.

Minoru:
It happens.

Jason:
I was bored so I joined Lord Jacob for a little while. Guess that's over now.

Jacob:
(twitching)
What?

Jason:
Yup.

Minoru:
Aren't you dead yet?

Jacob:
N-not y-y-yet.

Dahlila:
Aaaagh!
(hits Jacob with a stick)
That's so gross!

Minoru:
(kicks Jacob lightly)
Well, he's dead now. Must have been the trauma.

Jack:
Don't you mean drama?

Minoru:
That too.

Mel:
(walks around silently, with Jason trailing behind him)

Jack:
Will you fix the Prince now?

Minoru:
No. I'm afraid not.

Dahlila:
What!!??

Minoru:
Did I hear something escape your lips?

Dahlila:
Um... no?

Minoru:
Alas, before you can go home, you must defeat: THE DRAGON.

Jack:
Dragon? Where?

Minoru:
(touches Dahlila)
THIS Dragon.

Dahlila:
Roar!

Mel:
(jumps back more quickly that a turtle should)

Jason:
Whoa!

Jack:
Oh, please. Fine...
(takes sword from Jacob and lifts it up)
So, I can kill her?

Minoru:
Certainly.

Jack:
Good.
(stabs her)

Dahlila:
(dies)

Minoru:
Very well. I shall fix him.

(Mel is touched)

Mel:
My head...What happened?

Minoru:
Don't worry. It will all return to you shortly. Every single little detail.

Mel:
Uh... what?

Jack:
You don't want to ask.

Mel:
My word, who is that? And THAT? (first at Jacob and then Dahlila)

Minoru:
Your nemesis and your fiance. Cute, aren't they?

Mel:
She's dead? We were too late!

Jack:
Hardly. You were just distracted.
I did all the work.

Mel:
You killed her?

Minoru:
You can thank him later. In the meantime, I suggest you search for a bride, and quickly.

Mel:
But I don't want to marry anyone. I love Crystal!

Minoru:
Well then, go dig her up, for goodness sake.

Jack:
Yuck.

Minoru:
What? She's still alive, isn't she? Jacob just wanted you to rescue the Damsel, so he gave Crystal poison to make you believe she was dead. However, it wasn't lethal poison. She's just unconscious.
Probably a kiss will bring her around--since this IS a fairytale.

(Jason is dragging the bodies off stage)

Mel:
Of course! Why didn't I think of that?

Jack:
Because you're stupid.

Minoru:
You didn't think of it either.

Jack:
That's because IT was too stupid.

Minoru:
It seems Prince Mel is doubly stupid then.

Jack:
Yeah. That's true.

Mel:
Since when are you two friends?

Minoru:
We're not.

Jack:
That's right. We're not.

Mel:
Okay... Me thinks this group is insane...

Minoru:
Me thinks you contribute.

Mel:
Me thinks you do too.

Minoru:
Me thinks you don't thinks.

Mel:
Me thinks you don't either.

Minoru:
Me thinks you can't thinks I don't thinks because you don't thinks.

Mel:
Well, me thinks--What?
...Never mind...
(turns to his horse)
If you'll excuse me, I have a Damsel to save! I'm coming Crystal!
(rides away)

Minoru:
And off he goes...

Jack:
...In the wrong direction.

Minoru:
Naturally.

Lady Jane:
Jason! Where are you Jason?

Jason:
Hi honey.

Jane:
Finished playing with Jacob?

Jason:
Yup!

Jane:
Good. Dinner's ready now.

Jason:
Yup!

Jane:
You're so smart, dear!

Jason:
Yup!

(they walk away, hand in hand)

Minoru:
That was... odd.

Jack:
Yeah...

Minoru:
Where are you off to now?

[||Megs||]

Jack:
I don't know.

Minoru:
I, personally, am headed to find my duck, now that the only person who knew its whereabouts is dead.

Jack:
Sucks to be you.

Minoru:
Yes, well, not for long.
(turns to a box and opens it)
There you are Duck. I thought I heard you in there.

Jack:
If you knew he was there, why go along with all this?

Minoru:
Boredom can be rather harmful, isn't that true?

Jack:
I suppose.

Minoru:
Well, now that I have Duck back, I'm heading back home.

Jack:
Home?

Minoru:
The Gloomy Household. Ever heard of it?

Jack:
No.

Minoru:
You'd like it. Dark and quiet.

Jack:
I'll join you.

Minoru:
All right. Perhaps on the way we can find more fun things to do.

Jack:
No thanks.

(they walk off stage)

Scene 3: Home Again

Mel:
Home again. At last!

Royal Adviser:
Where is Squire Jack and Damsel Dahlila?

Mel:
Disappeared and dead.

Royal Adviser:
I see.

Mel:
Good for you.

Royal Adviser:
Are you alright, Highness?

Mel:
Never better. Now, to Lady Crystal's grave. I need to unbury her.

Royal Adviser:
Highness?

Mel:
She was poisoned you know. You remember Juliette, right? You know, Romeo's girlfriend. She was poisoned too. It's like that. Of course, I didn't commit suicide...

Royal Adviser:
Uh... yes sire.

Mel:
Is father alive?

Royal Adviser:
Sadly, yes--er, I mean...

Mel:
It's all right. After all, Ned's inheriting the kingdom.... since it took me three weeks to get back home... Too late now, right?

Royal Adviser:
But Highness, if your wife truly is alive...?

Mel:
After nearly two months? Doubtful.

Royal Adviser:
Highness! You seem a little...

Mel:
Insane? Mental? Crazy? ill? All of the above? By now, that's putting it lightly.

Royal Adviser:
Then why unbury the Lady Crystal?

Mel:
So I may join her.

Royal Adviser:
W-what?

Mel:
It's my birthday, Adviser. Did you know?

Royal Adviser:
Uh... yes, Highness.

[||Megs||]

Mel:
Remember I said with age my family lost it?

Royal Adviser:
I do recall that, yes.

Mel:
Well, it's time, apparently. And guess what!

Royal Adviser:
(winces)
What, Highness?

Mel:
I've already been a duck, and a turtle, and a dog! Suddenly I remembered, and I realized I'd gone mental. Too late to save the kingdom now, eh, Adviser? Yes... far too late.

(wanders away calling after Crystal)

Royal Adviser:
Oh dear...

The End

[midnight]

That was quite amazing! I laughed so hard. LOL. You're really good at this.

[||Megs||]

Actually--I did not do that. My friend Mel did. xD I will pass on your compliment, though!

[midnight]

Ok. lol. ^_^

[Hikari]

Oh me gosh! It's my play!! lol
And thanks, Midnight, for the compliment!